| "Marry me Glen. Can't you see that I love you!" |
10:01: Don: “I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.” (Me too! It’s the finale!)
10:02: Faye to Don: “Take your head out of your ass; I mean past.”
10:03: Joan pushing a file cart???? Wait, Lane gives Joan a promotion to “Director of Agency Operations.” Sorry, title only, no money. Thanks for nothing Lane!
10:04: Is the Cancer Society Board of Directors drinking Bloody Mary’s? Call A.A.
10:05: Don comes back from meeting. Roger, “Did you get cancer?”
10:06: Pete: “Don and I think it best if we approach it from the rear.” Speaking of rears, bring in that ass Ken Cosgrove. “Isn’t your f-i-l at Dow? Let’s have a foursome.”
10:07: Cosgrove: “I’m not a high-priced whore like Pete!”
10:08: Roger to Cosgrove: “If you want to tuck it between your legs I’ll call.” The old Roger’s Back!
10:09: Moving to Rye? Speaking of Rye, I can use one on the rocks with soda.
Uh-oh. Betty’s home! And she’s ready to fight with her 11-year old ex-lover Glen.
10:10: BETTY CANNED CARLA???? “Who’s watching your kids? Are your children all doctors and lawyers?” Carla, just gut her like a fish!
10:11: Don’s accountant tells him he has a harvest--go plant some seeds. Those words would never come out of my accountant’s mouth…if I had an accountant.
10:12: Betty to Don, “I canned Carla. Handle it. I have the kids 90% of the time!” No, Carla had the kids 90% of the time you self indulgent bitch!
10:13: Harry sniffs out a lesbian and her hot friend in the office. Joyce is just aching to kick him in the nuts.
10:14: Commercial Break
10:17: Don doubles Megan’s salary to babysit the kids at Disneyland. “Sally loves you, Bobby loves a pretty face, the baby—screw him, and I can bang you every night.” How can a girl say no to Dick?
10:18: Swank hotel! Nice pool.
10:19: Megan teaches the kids French?!? Dick wants to French.
10:20: Don to Megan: “You’re like Maria Von Trapp. Just call me Captain Von Trapp because your hills are alive Baby!”
10:21: Kids visit Anna’s house where Don tells Sally he’s a Dick sometimes. Sally shrugs because Betty tells Sally he’s a Dick all the time.
10:22: Dick with a ring.
10:23: Did Don just cannonball into the pool? And check out his JC Penny trunks! (Note to Matt Weiner: Where are the swim caps in the pool? If memory serves, and I’m not that drunk yet, you couldn’t dip a toe in the pool without a cap!)
10:24: Megan and French college roommate on their way to Whiskey–a-Go-Go. Wow, can Don prolong his stare on their asses any longer?
10:25: Commercial Break
10:28: Henry with a long neck waiting to break Betty’s scarfed neck about Carla.
10:29: NO LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION FOR CARLA??? BETTY YOU BITCH!!!!
10:30: Dick’s knocking on Megan’s door. “I want to go over the map to Disneyland—naked.”
10:31: Megan’s friend is in “Hogan’s Heroes???” Fraulein Hilda? Helga? Which one????
10:32: Megan: “Are you sure we should do this?”
Don: “I’ve paid for you through Friday.”
And look how comfortable Betty is sleeping in Sally’s room—she can be the little girl she’s aching to be again. And date Glen.
10:33: Megan & Don’s pillow talk “I know who you are now.”
“Yes, Megan. I’m a Dick.”
10:34: Dick wants to come again in Megan’s room tomorrow.
10:35: Peggy and Cosgrove pitch pantyhose.
Peggy: “I put them on every morning.”
Cosgrove: “I only know how to take them off.”
10:36: Peggy seals the panty-hose deal. Cosgrove will get the credit, of course.
10:37: Commercial Break
10:41: Megan wakes up with her nightgown on? Hmmm…
“Megan, I feel like my real self (a real Dick) when I’m with you.”
10:42: Don’s in LOVE? Engagement ring???? Faye’s underworld connections are going to whack Don!
10:43: Don waxes philosophic, but not floors—he lost the Glo-Coat account.
10:44: Megan: “What about work Don?” Oh Megan, I don’t think you have to worry about work ever again.
10:45: Don to partners: “Miss Colvert and I are getting married.”
Roger: “Who the hell’s that? Let’s have a toast! Megan can you get us some ice?” (ROGER I LOVE YOU!)
Lane is happy—one less head on payroll.
10:46: Check out Peggy’s pout when she sees Don & Megan kissing. See her face contort when Don tells her they’re getting married. AWKWARD!
10:47: Don’s ecstatic that the firm’s losing streak has been broken—now if only his relationship with Faye could be broken as easily, and by Peggy.
Don to Peggy: “Megan reminds me of you. She has that same spark.” Peggy, come on! Pull a Marlon Brando and slap him in the face and shout, “You can act like a man!”
10:48: Megan: “It’s Dr. Miller. Again.” You know Megan can’t wait for Faye to find out!
Peggy & Joan commiserate about Don’s engagement: “They’re all just between marriages!” Look at Peggy’s head implode when Joan tells her Don will probably make Megan copy editor.
10:49: Commercial Break
10:51: Here comes the break-up phone call to Faye!
10:52: Don: “Hi! I got you a Mickey Mouse hat and my secretary an engagement ring. Okay, gotta go. Bye!” Come on Faye, you sucked with Sally and Megan’s Maria Von Trapp with a great rack—do I have to analyze this for you? Madonna/whore? You’ll get my bill in the mail.
10:53: Joan confirms she’s pregnant!
Joan to Dr. Mr. Joan: “Yes, they’re bigger. But you’re the bigger fool for thinking it’s yours. Do the math! It’s Roger’s mug-sex-baby!”
10:54: Betty in kitchen. Lipstick, powder, stalling. Oh, hi Don!
10:55: Betty’s trying to snare Don. “Don, things aren’t perfect!” Love Don’s slight smirk at this one.
10:56: Bubble over Don’s head as Betty drones on and he pours a whiskey, “You’re not my problem anymore!”
10:57 “By the way Bets, I’m engaged.” Note Betty’s crazy eyes. Thank God the knives have already been packed!
10:58: Somebody answer the friggin’ door! That bell is driving me crazy!
Nice fade out on lone bottle of Canadian Club. Through it all, the bottle always stands strong!
10:59: SONNY & CHER as credits roll! CLASSIC ENDING!
Well kids, that does it for me. Thanks for tuning in to these weekly recaps. I had so much fun writing them and I loved the feedback. Until next season—mix a drink, smoke a cigarette, and get ready for next season—one year closer to Woodstock!
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