Okay Kids, it's time for a minute by minute recap of last night's Mad Men. To sum it up, it was "Mad Men & the Three Bad Marriages."
Starring:
Don: My marriage is over. Prostitute, anyone?
Lane: The bloody florist fucked up my marriage! Ooh, an American whore who looks like Peggy? I'll take one of those!
Joan: I want to have the baby of the man who cracked a vase over my head last season. By the way, I've had two procedures, but he's the only man I've slept with.
Guest starring:
Dick: Dick needs no introduction. Every woman knows Dick.Anna: Don/Dick's prosthetic wife.
Hippie Chick from Berkely Don wants to screw, until his Dick gets in the way.
RECAP HIGHLIGHTS:
10:01: "I've had a few procedures." Que Sera, Sera.
10:04: Don's secretary didn't resign!
10:05: Joan: "Lane, breast or thigh? Oh, and I'd like a day off to screw my doctor husband before the show has him off'd in Vietnam." Lane: "Screw you! No day off to screw him. Fried chicken, indeed!" Lane, you smug English prig!
10:06: California Dreaming! Or is Don really a Dick?
10:07: Bikini hippie chick girl from Berkely! "Hello Dick."
10:08: See Dick ogle Berkely bikini babe.
10:09: "Trust a Dick who works in advertising."
10:10: "I don't file papers anymore. I hire people to do that now."
10:11: Dick slams Jan & Dean.
10:12: CREEPY BREYERS COMMERCIAL: OK, OK, we get the Mad Men connection, but still really creepy. Makes me want to buy Good Humor.
10:13: Smoking, dancing Dick.
10:15: "Can't I just be single?" All Dicks are single. That's why they're Dick's.
10:18: Hippie chick drops the "C" word--CANCER.
10:19: Dick needs a pity fling with a pretty young thing.
10:20: Wait, no, Dick's pissed.
10:21: Wait a minute! Is Dick going to cry???!!!!
10:22: Phew, quick camera move to the left and Dick's face is saved.
10:23: See limp Dick sad on sofa.
10:24: See Dick paint in his boxer shorts.
10:25: See Dick smoke a doobie.
10:26: "You just can't keep your pants on, can you?" (No, that's why he's a Dick!)
10:27: See Dick cut down mean old sister with hot hippie chick daughter.
10:28: "You're just a man in the room with a checkbook!" (Um, I'll take one of those, please. Pretty please?)
10:29: NO DICK! DON'T TELL HER! NO, DON'T TELL HER SHE HAS CANCER!!!!
10:30: NOOOOO. DON'T TELL HER!
10:31: "Anna, I...I...I have to go." (Phew!)
10:32: See Dick try not to cry.
10:33: Pencils in the tile ceiling!!! Top Ten Office Olympic Sport.
10:34: RFF: Royal Florist F-up. There goes Lane's marriage. "Every rose has a prick, and this time it isn't Dick." (blogger's original composition.)
10:35: See Dick's vein pop as he tries not to cry as he leaves Anna.
10:36: California Dick makes me gag.
10:37: Joanie's hubby gets laid Hawaiian Style.
10:38: Blood orange juice or is Joan a cutter?
10:40: This episode is way too heavy. Where in the hell is Roger????
10:41: Back in the office. Dick doesn't like a scotch that bites.
10:43: Dick is a Don now. Getting office drunk with Lane.
10:44: How much scotch was in that bottle?
10:46: "Let's go to the movies! It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World; Umbrellas of Cherbourg; Japanese Monster Movie..."
10:48: Hand jobs!!! Did someone just say Hand jobs????
10:49: Lane talks smack about his wife.
10:50: Lane asks Don for relationship advice???? Don's advice: "My lady friend has a lady friend."
10:51: Lane's turned into (a) Dick when he puts a little meat on his bone. "Yee Haw!"
10:52: Lenny Bruce "They're not queers, they're rich."
10:53: Lane's prostitute date looks eerily like Peggy in a bouffant. Interesting...
10:54: Don doing it on the couch? How out of the box. He should be slapped for that.
10:55: This scene's too long. YAWN!
10:57: Penny Lane pays $25 for the Peggy Prostitute--here, take $30. "HEY BIG SPENDER!"
10:59: Don rips Lane's bridal sheets off the bed and collapses. Dick had a hard night.
11:00: Roger's Back!!!! Roger, don't just sit there in the conference room! Say something dammit! I missed you! Were you on a bender? Next time take me with you!
11:01: 1965!!!! It's going to be a great year-- say goodbye to the Boomers and hello to the hipsters. Oh, by the way--I was born!!!!
Tune in next week for another minute-by-minute recap of Mad Men.
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