Monday, September 20, 2010

BEAUTIFUL GIRLS, OR THE DEATH OF A SECRETARY AND SALLY’S REVENGE


RIP Mrs. Blankenship


10:01:        Somebody’s getting some afternoon delight!

10:02:        Talk dirty to me Don. “I have a meeting with Secor Laxatives.” (Um, I had something else in mind.)

10:03:        No after-sex shower for Don. He’s a manly man, but I love him too!

10:04:        Roger: “My book has mystery, intrigue, romance…Joanie, can I interest you in a ‘hard’ time?” God I LOVE you Roger!

10:05:        Don’t be sad, Joan. Your husband may have shipped out, but Roger’s getting ready to ship in.

10:06:        Don to petulant Peggy: “Come back, I’m taking a nap.” Poor petulant Peggy works through a sexless lunch to be scorned away. Peggy, you’re either a sadist or a masochist. I think you know which one you are. (Ida Blackenship-isms)

10:07:        Mrs. B’s daily inquiry to Don, “Are you going to the toilet?” (Because when you make that face at me it looks like you have to take an enormous crap.)

10:08:        The lesbian set up Peggy at PJ’s with a sour socialist. “Johnny Walker on the rocks!” more like an “Abe Sour” because even the bartender won’t listen to you.

10:09:        Two foreign masseuses at Joan’s door?! How come I never have one  masseuse, let alone two, ringing my bell?

10:10:        Introducing: The Village Voice and Southern boycotts-- brought to you by Abe, the socialist. (BTW, I thought Peggy was having an orgasm when Abe asked her if she worked on the Goldwater campaign.)

10:11:        “Maybe you should form a march for women?” Just give us a few years Abe. It’s coming with a vengeance! Sally will be the Grand Marshall!

                   Commercial Break

10:15:        Mrs. B & Bert Cooper doing the crossword like they’re in their living room.
BC: “What’s a 3 letter word for flying bird?
Mrs. B: “EMU”
BC:   “No, starts with an ‘L’.”
Mrs. B: “The hell it does.”

10:16:        Joan knows Roger sent the masseuse. “I was rubbing you the wrong way, so I wanted to rub you the right way.” (I’m here Roger! Send a masseuse to my house & you can rub me any way!)
10:17:        “Nuremberg on Madison Avenue?” Peggy, ditch the Sour Socialist!

10:18:        Is that Megan, Don’s ex-secretary? Look at Dry Don’s startled face! Sloppy drunk Don would’ve kept his poker face!

10:19:        Sally’s caught train hopping? BTW—great hair Sal!

10:20:        Stranger who found Sally on the train, “Men never know what’s going on.” Uh-oh, you just pissed off Don!

10:21:        Betty gives it (and Sally) to Don, “You need to learn responsibility. Enjoy Don; I’m dumping Sally with you until tomorrow when Henry & I go into the city for dinner.” Cold-Cut Betty!

                   Commercial Break

10:25:        Peggy shreds the Manifesto.

10:26:        MRS. BLANKENSHIP’S DEAD AT HER DESK!!!!! (There goes this season’s comic relief and Don’s foil. Not to mention the woman who fueled Roger’s jets in 1938!)
10:27:        Great Don response: “She had to die on my shift?”
                   Joan saves the day…again. “Get me a man and a blanket.” (I should try that line!) Afterthought, “Take Harry’s afghan.”
10:28:        OMG! Don’t let the clients see the dead secretary. OMG! Did you see the sideshow going on with Pete trying to lift Mrs. B. and instead pushing her afghan covered corpse down the hall as Harry yells, “My mother made that afghan!” Don’s expressions are priceless!

10:29:        Show the clients out the back door. Never let a dead secretary get in the way of business.

10:30:        Don: “Take my daughter to my apartment.”
                   Faye: “Really?”
                   Don: “I’d have my secretary do it but she’s dead.” You can’t get any better than that!

10:31:        Cancel all meetings we have to get rid of the dead secretary.

10:32:        Roger eulogizes his sexual mentor: “She died like she lived. Surrounded by the people she answered phones for.”

10:33:        Faye & Sally watching afternoon TV.

10:34:        Sally queries Don about Faye. Pre-pubescent manipulation in full swing.

                   Commercial Break

10:38:        Are those hardboiled eggs floating in Rogers Gimlet?

10:39:        Sally has Don all to herself.

10:40:        Enter Manhattan crimewave: A mugging at Gunpoint--Roger just gives over the goods.  

10:41:        A mug, a hug, and a tug…take off all your clothes and let’s do it in the alley!

10:42:        Sally’s already a downtown girl—she wants to live with Don.

10:43:        T.S. Draper’s back, but he’s dry.

10:44:        That’s no Mrs. Butterworth bottle Sally! French toast smothered in rum!!! Sally come live with me!

10:45:        Roger & Bert can write copy, but not an obit for their former paramour.

10:46:        Mrs. B’s born in 1898 in a barn & died on the 37th floor of a skyscraper. “She’s an astronaut!” Bert, what the hell are you talking about???

10:47:        Awkward post-mugging-sex encounter between Roger & Joan. “I’m not sorry, but I’m married & so are you!” Go Joanie, but you & Roger are just beginning…again.

                   Commercial

10:50:        Megan’s back working for Don!!! More sexual tension!

10:51:        Cause of Mrs. B’s Death “Don Draper.” Love it!

10:52:        Peggy wants to get political with Filmore, but Don scolds, “We have to make men like Filmore Autos, not Filmore Autos like negroes.” Don, your white man world is about to crash and burn.

10: 53:       Sally reading Nancy Drew. “The Clue of How My Parents F’d Me Up So Much I Will Own My Own Rehab Facility After I Travel Cross Country in My Negro Boyfriend’s VW Bus and Experiment with Women.”

10:54:        Sally cracks Faye, “We don’t want your help!”

10:55:        Sally throws a temper tantrum as all the women come running to her aide. Funny how she clings to Megan. Don’t worry Sally, Woodstock’s coming!

10:56:        Enter Betty, the only woman not unnerved by Sally’s manipulations. Like daughter, like mother.

10:57:        Faye gives it to Don. “I feel like this was a test and I failed it.” (God Don, have a drink! These women are killing you!)

10:58:        Jesus what a mess. Or, Christ on a cracker!

10:59:        Drink Don, drink! Your secretary croaked in her chair, your daughter threw a tantrum in the hallway, your ex-wife wants to murder you, your old secretary is back and she packed her guilt—for goodness sakes man, have a drink!

11:00:        Three women in the elevator and an office full of boys.




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